My Subaru... My Seishirou
by Sakurazuka Lilly
Summary: A small insight on what Seishirou thinks of Subby-kun, and what Subaru thinks of Sei-chan.
1. My Subaru

**My Subaru... My Seishirou...**  
By: Sakura Lilly 

**Author's Note**: The first part of this is written from Seishirou's POV. It's probably too OOC for him, but I think that even the Sakurazukamori must have hidden soft side, or at least when it comes to Subaru. The second part is from Subaru's POV. 

**Warnings**: Shounen-ai 

**Disclaimer:** As much as I'd love to I don't own neither Seishirou *drools*, Subaru *drools some more*, nor Hokuto. All of these wonderful characters and Tokyo Babylon, X/1999 belong to CLAMP. Whoever is reading MUST bow before CLAMP like me. *Bows* 

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Subaru... I know we're enemies... I know that I'm not supposed to... I know that I must kill you... I know that I'd be condemmned by my ancestors... But I also know that I all of this doesn't matter to me... that can't help loving you... I gave my eye for your life, and I'd give my life for you... One way, or another, you're the center of life, you're my whole reason of existence. Either to kill you... Or to love you... You're everything to me... You're my friend... my lover... my life... my enemy... my prey... I know I can't kill you, because I can't live without you... 

But I keep on hurting you... being the source of your pain... Because I'm the Sakurazukamori... and you're the Head of the Sumeragi... I'm a Dragon of Earth... And you're a Dragon of Heaven... We were destined to be enemies, to fight each other until the end of days... I was destined to kill you, to destroy you... But I know deep down in my cold heart, that we were also destined to be together... I was destined to love you... You were destined to be mine... as a prey... or as a lover... 

You think I enjoy causing pain, destroying, killing... And you're right, I enjoy the killing, I thrive on the pain I cause others... But not when it's you that I see hurting... when I see you bleeding for me... crying for me... looking at me with that sad, silent expression in you're beautiful eyes... You think it doesn't hurt me, but whenever I cause your pain, I feel my heart shattering... I feel my spirit being pierced by your eyes... I can't stand to see you hurt, but it seems I can't stop being the cause of your tears... of your pain... of your agony... 

You're so beautiful to me... I love your deep emerald eyes... your ebony hair... the feeling of your soft, warm body pressed agaisnt my... your sweet lips against mine, joining in an everlasting kiss... the feeling of my arms around you, protecting you, binding you to me, making you mine forever... I love your hands... the same hands I dared to taint with the Sakurazukamori mark... the pure hands I dared to touch... the hands that now carry my symbol forever... the symbol of my prey... as much I'd wish it'd be the symbol of my love... 

I love you, my dearest Subaru... I've loved you ever since the day we met... I've loved you through these years... When we became friends... when we became lovers... But I ruined it all by being me... by being the worst enemy of the Sumeragi... by being the Sakurazukamori... by being Sakurazuka Seishirou... by making you my prey... by killed your dear sister Hokuto... I ruined it all in countless ways... 

I wake up everyday wishing you were here with me... here by my side... I wake up wishing I wasn't who I am... wishing I wasn't the Sakurazukamori... I wake up wishing all the pain I've caused you is a dream... wishing you're sister was still with you... wishing I could go back and erase it all... wishing you'd forgive me, even though I know you can't... even though I don't deserve it and never will. 

Don't cry for me Subaru... This evil, dark, tainted, souless heart does not deserve your precious tears... I've done so much to hurt you, even though I love you... You're only real joy my life has ever known... and yet... I'm the only pain yours has... Don't think about me anymore... don't spill any more tears for me... don't try to forgive me... You and I both know I don't deserve so... 

Ai shiteru... Sumeragi Subaru.... 


	2. My Seishirou

**Author's Note**: This is the second part of this fanfic, written from Subaru's POV. It's his "response" to Seishirou's thoughts on the previous part. Marion I think that our chats is what inspired me to write this so I thank you for it and dedicate this fanfic to you! *Glomps* 

**Warnings**: Shounen-ai 

**Disclaimer:** As much as I'd love to I don't own neither Seishirou *drools*, Subaru *drools some more*, nor Hokuto. All of these wonderful characters and Tokyo Babylon, X/1999 belong to CLAMP. Whoever is reading MUST bow before CLAMP like me. *Bows* 

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Seishirou-san... why?... You're my enemy... the Sakurazukamori... the beign that has the mission to kill me... my hunter... Then why do I feel like this for you?... I've tried to get myself to forget you... to accept the fact you can never love me... But I can't... You're all my life... I'm yours in every way... your friend... your enemy... your lover... your.. prey... I'm yours for you to take... you may kill me... or you may love me... and either way I wouldn't care... 

Why do you hurt me so, Seishirou-san? You've hurt me... ever since I met you... and I never did anything but love you... Countless times I've told myself not to spill another tear for you... not to let you see me how you hurt me... not to show you my weakness... Because that's what you are... you are my weakness... but you're also my strenght... But everytime I see you cold golden eye... the eye that can't look at me without that predatory expression... I can't help but feeling hurt... I could stand every slash of a knife without wincing, but your eye... it pierces straight through my very soul... 

But yet... it was your eyes that drew me you the first time... when I first looked into those golden orbs I couldn't help but wonder if they'd ever look at me with with love... But I that was just a silly dream... to you I'm only your prey... a pretty boy to play with... But I find you beautiful... your eye... your tall frame... your dark hair... How I wish I could tangle my fingers in that hair... to get lost in that eye... to kiss those lips with the cold smile... Seishirou-san... 

Hundreds of times I've wondered... will you ever be able to love me?... Were we destined to be enemies until the end?... Were we destined to never be together?... Will I ever be able to break through the Sakurazukamori?... Will I always be so weak to be taken over by you?... Would I ever be able to live without you?... I swore to kill you, after you took my sister's life... But I end up telling to myself that I couldn't live without you... I wish for you to love me... or to kill me... But please don't leave me alone... 

You gave up your eye for me... My sister gave up her life for me... because she knew I loved you... even before I realized it myself... Fuuma realized my guilt and took my eye... so we could be alike... I gave my eye for you... and I would sacrifice myself for you... I'd give you my life... I'd let you kill me... it is my wish to die at your hands... My wish is to be with you... to live by your side... or to die in your arms... 

Do you really love me Seishirou-san?... or do you just want to play with my feelings?... There's been many times in the past when you could have taken my life... but you didn't... Is it because in that cold heart of yours there are hidden feelings... or because I amuse you with my pain, with my uncertainty... with my tears...? Even when thinking of you I can't help but feel the tears filling my eyes... Smoking makes me think of you... makes me remeber the time we spent together... the time when I thought you really loved me... 

I cannot stop the tears from flowing. You've hurt me too much Seishirou-san. But I still love you... love you with all my heart... with all my soul... with everything I have... I'm yours... and only yours... forever yours... I couldn't live without you... But I also cannot be this near you and so far at the same time... I can't be your love and your prey... I can't be your lover and your enemy... I can't be with you and without you... I need you with me Seishirou-san... I... 

Aishiteru... Sakurazuka Seishirou... 


	3. My Life

**My Life, My Love, My Death...**  
By: Lilly 

**Author's Note**: The first part of this is written from Subaru's POV after he becomes the Sakurazukamori. It may or may not be OOC since I don't know a lot about Sak Subaru yet. Anyways, spoilers ahead. S/S, S/K. 

**Warnings**: Shounen-ai, angst.

**Disclaimer:** As much as I'd love to I don't own neither Seishirou *drools*, Subaru *drools some more*, Kamui *fills the drool bucket*, Fuuma *dies*, nor Hokuto. All of these wonderful characters and Tokyo Babylon, X/1999 belong to CLAMP. Whoever is reading MUST bow before CLAMP like me. *Bows* 

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You're now dead Seishirou-san... You can't know how many tears I spilled over your dying body... you can't know how much I cried for you after that... It hurts me so that I was the one that killed you... But you probably knew it... probably even wished that I would be the one to kill you... For is it not the best form to die for the Sakurazukamori...? Is it not the way you wished to die...? To be held in my arms as the life slowly left your body...? Seishirou-san... 

But along with you not being here, there's something else. Having been the one who killed you, it is I who now has to take over your duty as the Sakurazukamori... It is I who now has to please the Sakura... It is I who has to kill people and feed the Tree their blood and souls... A job I never wished to take... Countless times I've wondered: did you want me to become your successor...? Did you want me to continue the Sakurazukamori clan...? Did you want me to be the one to guard, keep, and feed that damned Tree of yours...? Did you Seishirou-san...? 

Fuuma came by to see me, he brought me a "gift" or so he said it was... A gift you left me... Your one good eye... Your left-eye... I did not want it at first, how could I take your eye as mine? But Fuuma convinced it was your Wish... to heal the wound he made... to heal my right eye... So I took it, for your sake...

And yes, I'm glad I took it, because even if we're no longer connected by the magic bounds you set one me, this one eye of yours still makes me yours. No, this eye isn't mine, it's only the proof that I'm still only yours and will always be yours. No one can take that right away from you. I wished to die in your arms, but I killed you instead. But my death is still yours, and my blood will still be the Sakura's...

Kamui... yes, he came to visit me before I left them forever. He's the one person I would allow to see my that day. He pleaded with me to let go, to let go off your memory, because he wants to be mine, and for me to be his. Will he ever understand that I can't stop loving you even now ? He will, because he feels the same for Fuuma, his enemy, his first love... Like you were to me... Kamui will never let go off Fuuma, the way I'll never let go off you...

Such a pure soul he has, broken down by pain and betrayal. And shattered even the small pieces that remain. I did that myself, when I left his side. I can no longer be a Dragon of Heaven. How can I, when I lost everyone I wished to protect, when I lost the will to live, when I can't think of the future because it holds nothing for me. That's why I left Kamui, I wonder if he will ever know it was because of that.

What holds me onto life ? Life no longer holds any meaning or sense to me. Death is all I wish for, because it will finally bring me to peace and to you, Seishirou-san. If I cannot die by your hand, I'll die at your Tree. I'm the Sakurazukamori, but the Tree is not mine, and I'm not his. I can't be his because there's no one to bind my soul to it. I will die, and go to you nee-san... Seishirou-san...

~ Owari ~


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